I
don't know where you stand today with the man you love or loved—or if
you are single, divorced, separated, or widowed. I can tell you, though,
that if you've been hurt, you can be sure Your heavenly Father knows
how hard it is to love and forgive the one who caused you pain. Yet
regardless of the relational devastation you face, no one can keep you
from finishing strong for God's glory!
I was raised in a non-Christian home. My parents have each been married
and divorced to three different people. As part of several blended
families, all I understood about marriage when I was growing up was
"unhappily ever after." But then I became a Christian at twenty-four and
married my husband, Steve, just a few years later. Because of my love
for God and my husband, I honestly didn't think anything could shake my
own marriage or faith.
In the summer of 2007, however, my happily ever after was wiped out and
my faith was tested. The family foundation I had worked so hard to build
and protect was almost destroyed, along with my ministry, in that
season of my life. I truly believed that God had forsaken me.
I had just finished writing my book for mothers about raising sons to
become godly husbands. As I excitedly ran upstairs to e-mail the
manuscript to the publisher, I suddenly felt as if something dark
hovered over me. My passion for the book's message was drowned out by
the fear of an attack from the enemy that could come against me and my
family if I stepped on his territory . . . young men and their future
marriages.
I called the publisher and said I'd need to wait and pray for courage
before submitting the manuscript.
I went to my son, Jake, who was eighteen years old and a senior in high
school at the time, and asked him if he had any plans of rebelling
against his faith once he graduated from high school. I told him I was
willing to give him freedom to find his own faith in Christ, but I
didn't want to put out a book about raising boys if my own son was going
to walk away from the Lord. He reassured me that he was strong in his
faith and that he felt I should publish the book. I decided to take the
chance to make a difference and sent in the manuscript.
The book began climbing the charts, and everything seemed to be going
well. I even began speaking with my son at conferences for mothers of
boys. Then three months into my book tour, my fear of attack hit. My
husband had taken a job that we had both prayed for. This job appeared
to be a blessing; however, his new position required him to violate some
of the boundaries we had put in place to protect our marriage, and we
ended up separated.
There I was in the public eye of ministry, fighting to save future
marriages, and somehow my own marriage was falling apart. My son was
devastated by the division between me and his dad. It was too hard for
him to deal with all his confusion, pain, and anger, so he took a break
from his faith and began using drugs and alcohol to comfort himself.
I had always known to run to God for cover when there was a great
attack, but now I felt like He had left me alone on the battlefield to
fight for myself. It appeared that all I had believed about God and all
my effort to build a strong foundation for my own family had been
shattered. My pain, my shame, and my life were an embarrassment. I felt
as if I were battling an out-of-control fire that would burn up
everything I loved and lived for. Every night I would cry myself to
sleep as I struggled to understand why God had not protected me while I
was attempting to accomplish something for His glory.
One night I could not take it anymore, so I fell to my knees and told
God I either wanted Him to fix my family or I wanted to quit the
ministry. Then I felt the Lord asking me a bigger question: Was My life, given on a cross for you, not enough for you to finish strong even if it means surrendering the life you wanted?
For the first time I realized that my heart's true desire was to feel
loved and secure, and yet no man on earth could love me the way my Lord
does. In that moment of crisis I found the true meaning of following
Christ. God had not forsaken me, but He did want to free me from
depending on others to give me my happily ever after.
That night I gave my heart's deepest desire to God and chose to follow
Him at any cost. In exchange, He gave me something so much better; He
gave me peace that was more powerful than my circumstances. My faith was
no longer in people; it was in Christ alone. Although nothing outwardly
had changed yet, I had been changed. Today, Steve and I have celebrated
twenty-five years of marriage, and our son serves God with His whole
heart. He and his bride have given us our first grandbaby girl. However,
to be honest, restoring our marriage was excruciatingly painful and
more difficult than either of us expected. As hard as this trial was, it
taught me a valuable lesson: our Lord is the God of comfort and the
author of a new beginning. He can and will rebuild a beautiful life out
of any broken heart willing to make a change. He will use one
sacrificial choice; one act of forgiveness; one sincere, repentant
heart; and one woman who is willing to step out in faith and start
rebuilding with His love for His glory.
I lift up my eyes to the mountains—where does my help come from? My help
comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. (Psalm 121:1-2)
For more teaching from the Your Heart's Desire book and Bible study, visit www.biblelifecoaching.com.
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